Doubting Thomas

John 20:24-29:

Now Thomas, one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!” Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

This is where God is meeting me today. He says engagement with doubt (rooted in Scripture) is part of the sanctifying process and to bring it on (in so many words)...and that's a good thing, because I have a lot of doubt. Always. So many times recently I have found myself praying "please let this Life be real. God, please be real" It's a strange thing to pray, but I am really plagued with confusion about how this life is supposed to look and whether anything matters at all. I'm not really in the mood to draw conclusions that make it look like I have dealt with this fully and now have it it together (I'm most likely flattering myself there because I doubt anyone has ever thought for even a second that I have it together). However, I am pretty confident when Christ says "blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed" in this passage, he was talking directly to me today. And he promises he's not finished (Philippians 1:6). And that he's coming to show me his scars. Very soon.


Really thankful someone else has felt the same way and wrote a song about it:

What will be left when I've drawn my last breath,
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who know me,
Will I discover a soul saving love,
Or just the dirt above and below me,

I'm a doubting thomas,
I took a promise,
But I do not feel safe,
Oh me of little faith,

Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face,
Then I beg to be spared 'cause I'm a coward,
If there's a master of death I'll bet he's holding his breath,
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power,
I'm a doubting thomas,
I can't keep my promises,
'Cause i don't know what's safe,
oh me of little faith

Can I be used to help others find truth,
When I'm scared I'll find proof that its a lie,
Can I be lead down a trail dropping bread crumbs,
That prove I'm not ready to die,

Please give me time to decipher the signs,
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted,

I'm a doubting thomas,
I'll take your promise,
Though I know nothin's safe,
Oh me of little faith

-Nickel Creek, Doubting Thomas